2011 in Movies

So there are some movies that we've heard about:  Thor, Harry Potter:  The Deathly Hallows Pt II, The Twilight movie, Green Lantern, X-Men: First Class and Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides....to name a few.


Heroes, comic icons and recent blockbuster series sound great...but some bad apples ruined it. 

Dear Stephanie Meyers, you are Ebola to film industry and teen lore.  You have preyed upon little girls who are so self-conscious about themselves that their deepest desire is for a perfect(allbeit sparkly homosexual vampire with poor hygiene) man to want them...bravo you cashed in, however...an unintended consequence(I hope) is that now you can not walk 2 feet into a bookstore without being bombarded by Vampire's first kiss, Werewolf: blood Lust(with little bloody hearts for o's), Date with a Vampire, Kiss me, I'm Wolfish.  Now comes the real kicker:


Red Riding Hood:  A present time remake of the classic fairy tale...with a werewolf, as a  lover...who'd have ever thought it.  Maybe this one will end as it should, with the werewolf devouring this stupid innocent teen who loves monsters.  Take that Jacob Black...I mean seriously, the kid became a big Siberian Husky...c'mon...

Priest:  A priest niece is kidnapped by vampires...so the nocturnal terrors of imagination are no conspirators to abduct the family of the clergy...my how the mighty have fallen...


So from Vampire/Werewolf love anything comes a once great actor who is kinda like Marilyn Monroe tunring tricks on a corner for a starbucks...Nicholas Cage...remember the good old days of Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Face Off, Con Air, national Treasures, WIndtalkers and Lord of War?  Well...Ever since 2005(First National Treasure) I'm not sure if he started doing drugs or stopped doing them or whatever happened but from Face Off he was a favorite actor to Bangkok Dangerous...bad...sadly, its gone worse.  Anyways everything since 2005, minus National Treasure 2(kinda) that isn't a voice-over has been crap...sorry Mr. Cage, its true.


So, yes I love movies like I love books, although books are 1000000000 times more fulfilling.

The ones I'm most looking forward to:


1) Smurfs-*best valley girl voice* Oh My God, Yes.  I loved these guys as a little kid and I am stoked to see them on the big screen!

2) HP: TDH Pt II...I loved the Harry Potter books.  I still love the HP books, the movies left something to be desired but they aren't that bad...ish.  Okay, so the movies in honesty are pretty awful...all British actors?  Sure the adults cast were PERFECT...but the 3 main characters?  seriously?  I mean yeah Emma Watson is pretty hot, in an awkward nerdy and not bombshell kind of way.  Anyways, here's to the last installment before these three actors disappear into the dreaded series of "Child Stars: Where are they now?"

3)Contagion- EPIC.  Deadly virus about to wipe-out mankind but a team of Doctors save the planet.  Lab rats save the world...God, I love it.  I'm hoping its sorta kinda based on The Hot Zone by Richard Preston...a terryfingly realistic novel that I read once a year.

4) Pirates of the Carirbbean:  On Stranger Tides:  No more Kiera Knightley, no more Orlando Bloom...but Penelope Cruz, I'll take that trade.  Johnny Depp is my favorite male actor and his role as Captain Jack Sparrow is a fun thing to watch.  I can't wait for this one!


5)Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon:  SO I can sum up the first 2 easily...CG is awesome and so is Megan Fox's...well...the movies should go well, she's not in it so we'll see.  Rosie Huntington-Whiteley a Victoria's Secret Supermodel (but her face looks like Dolph Lundgren and a 87 Buick Grand National had a love child...thank God for airbrush and camera angles!) is in it so at least Micheal Bay knows...hotties and alien robots worked in the past and third time a charm.


6)Conan the Barbarian:  YES!!! No more bodybuilding model with awful acting and a worse accent trying to portray a great epic tale...wait...this guy Jason Momoa is a male model?  Sigh...scratch this movie off.

 76) Sherlock Holmes Sequel, Untitled:  Yeah why not, I'm not a fan of the first movie but its Robert Downey Jr. and he's a really really good actor, actually, all those years of diving into cocaine and booze paid off...even Charlie Sheen is giving it a try to boost his career...too soon?  Sorry Charlie, you rock in Two and a Half Men!


 87)Green Lantern:  No, I dont know the story, didn't like comic books much but he's a pretty decent actor and let's face it, he landed Scarlett Johansson...sure they divorced but I mean...anyways...major cool points with me just bc of that.

98)Thor- yeah, Natalie Portman is in it...so I put this at #8 on the list (really, she's a bad actor)

109)X-Men: First Class- So yeah sure the first X-men was pretty darn good, since then?  not so much...Wolverine was good I thought.  I'm interested to see, is the dark X-men past, betrayed and humiliated by society...or the happy, save us mr clean with your magic witchcraft...I'll likely wait until this is in the cheapseats.


The ones that missed my list:  Captain America...the guy has a shield and a leather hat...in an age of Iron Man and Incredible Hulk this nutcase is brandishing a shield and looks like a Colt .45 pistol...besides this clown was already Johnny from fantastic 4, its against man law to be two super heroes unless your name is Hugh Jackman...rock on Wolverine/Van Helsing...hang on, Ryan Reynolds...Deadpool/Green Lantern...ah well...


Here's to my 2011 of movies!